In My Head…aches


I’m back
May 3, 2009, 5:56 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

Hey all…so I thought I’d come back and write here. It’s a Saturday night and I’d like to be doing something, but I chose not to because of my headache. Anyway, I wrote this about 5.5 months ago and just saw that it was a draft. I think I stopped writing because of a headache, but I’m not sure. So I’ll go ahead and quote it and then fill you in on the rest of whatever’s going on.

So I’ve been having a rough time with school and I think a lot of it is because of my headaches, but I don’t like to admit that. I was driving home after talking to my high school tutor, who I now see as a mentor – he doesn’t know that. We were discussing my past quarter in college and what advice he had to offer. He asked me the same question my math professor asked me the other day, “what problem are you having?” Both times I was asked the question, I blurted out whatever answer I could formulate at that time.

As I was driving home, I was thinking about my answers to that question and why I don’t ever mention my headaches. Many peers have suggested that I tell my professors about my headaches hindering my performance in school. It sounds great, it looks good on paper, but I can never get myself to do it. Why? I don”t know. I don’t know if it’s that I’m embarrassed to make excuses for myself in front of established individuals or I don’t want to make excuses for myself TO myself or I just get too shy to say anything.

If I had to answer the question, I would probably say that I simply don’t want want to make any excuses. I think there are a number of reasons for this. To start, I don’t like to make excuses for any of the problems I have whether that is not doing well in school, not being able to hang out with my friends, not being able to work out, or basically not living my life to the fullest. Next, I’m the type of person where it takes a lot for me to open up to someone. I usually don’t go ahead and

And it ends abruptly there.

Since Friday the 24th my headaches have been especially bad. I’m not sure what’s going on, I wasn’t able to find any triggers, but I just keep on chugging. Needless to say, the past week has been very rough in school and I’m not looking forward to what’s coming academically.

I saw a new neurologist in my area and it was probably the best neuro visit I’ve had YET. Whether it was an act or not, she seemed very concerned about my condition, she spelled out every option, she explained to me every detail that was going into her notes…it’s like she put me inside of her head, but dumbed it down. After asking if I had tried Topomax and Verapamil, she suggested that I try Namenda. She said that these three drugs seem to have the best…(I can’t think of the word that goes here – this is something I’ve noticed with these headaches. I’m losing my ability with words)…she was trying to say that these three work the best. So I started Namenda today (5mg once a day) and I’m hoping that it can really put an end to, or at least control, these headaches. I’m working up to 10mg twice a day of Namenda.

So if Anyone still looks at this site, you may know that I have mentioned TheDailyHeadache in the past. Unfortunately the Webmaster of that site is a migraine sufferer herself so she had to shut down the forum. As a result, I came across http://www.migrainepage.com . If you click on “Discussion” you’ll see a forum that’s heavily used and you’re sure to get comments on whatever you post. I haven’t been on it much, but it feels very welcoming from what I’ve encountered.

As I’m bringing this post to a close, I wanted to say that I’m becoming more and more private with this headache matter. I don’t seem to tell anyone unless it’s absolutely necessary (and I can rarely find a reason for that), and I don’t know how this is affecting me. Some people ask my why I disappear sometimes or how I act strange, etc. etc. That’s all stopped bothering me, I just like to keep it to myself. I don’t want anyone’s pity.

Lastly, I’m not sure how many people check this site out (probably very few, if any) but I thought I’d open the floor for some other people. Reading stories from other people makes me feel a little better about everything that’s going on – not in a mean way, but just knowing that there are others out there who can relate.

Go!

-ETH

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1 Comment so far
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Glad to have you back. You may find that writing down your thoughts helps you deal with the bad days. I remember the words that escape me by using the thesaurus on my computer. My meds have definitely messed with my short term memory. Luckily I have a wife of 23 years who can finish my sentences for me when I talk 🙂

Comment by Andy




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