In My Head…aches

Day… who knows
August 20, 2008, 3:39 am
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Hey all,

I don’t think anyone follows this regularly, but I took a hiatus from writing here because I got concerned that someone from my family may have found it and began to read it. If you were really inside my head, you’d know that I hate how people in my family don’t stop bugging me about this headache.

If I were legitimately crazy, I’d talk to an invisible friend everyday about my headache. It would be perfect because they couldn’t bother me back. My social life has really toned down lately because of my headaches…I have to keep canceling plans on people and don’t ever make commitments at night. I hate it.

I’m moving soon and everyone is really worried about how I’m going to do with the move. I’ve never admitted it to anyone, but I hope I do well. I’ll be starting over as far as making friends goes, so I hope I can go out and make friends fine, and hopefully a few really good ones who I can talk to about my headaches in case there’s ever an emergency.

I’ll be starting Depakote soon (tomorrow? the day after?) so hopefully that helps. I’ll also be seeing a pain doctor soon. I’m counting on a lot of things.

I’m sick of headaches, but I’m even more sick of people going out of there way to treat me differently because of them. I HATE that. Anyways, thanks for reading.



Day #84
June 14, 2008, 7:40 am
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84th day today. I woke up this morning, didn’t feel much pain…I thought hey, maybe I’ll be free today… got some dull aches early on in the morning, but they weren’t persistent. Then at around noonish, I started to feel it come on, I didn’t like it…obviously. It stuck by me since then, and following the pattern got a little worse at night.

By the time my family came back home towards the evening, I heard more of their pestering about my headaches. That’s another topic I need to introduce to this blog. My family has taken this headache and made it their own pain and I can’t explain how much I hate that. As if I don’t have enough to deal with already, the people around me are making it SO much worse. I understand they’re just trying to help and they care for me, and I understand that, but I’ve been through these cycles a few times before, and I see a few doctors for my headaches right now. I want to stick by their treatments FOR NOW and see what can be done. When I’M ready to move on, then I will move on. HOWEVER, every day, I keep hearing about different things in Michigan, in India, in Europe, in Florida, in San Jose, on the Moon, in the Atlantic Ocean (you get the idea), of where I can get these different headache treatments. It’s one thing to care, but it’s another thing to care TOO much. They care WAY more than me, and I think that’s wrong. The best way for me to handle this situation is to be as stress free as possible about it and that’s what I like to do. The people around me aren’t helping. I like my modern, western medicine. Let’s see how the Topomax works out. Today was the 9th day I’ve been on it. In two days, I begin to double my dosage. In about five days time, maybe it’ll take effect. If not, then we’ll see what the doc has in store for me. Can’t we just do it that way?

I’m thinking about just telling them the headaches are done with. The cycle ended and everything’s great, and I’ll do my best job of playing it off that way so then I can just have everyone off my case. That way, the people around me don’t need to stress out so much, they don’t need to unnecessarily go out of their way for me, although it’s nice and much appreciated, and they can stop caring TOO much (ok, I’ll stop with the CAPS).  Anyways, hopefully I’ll figure out what to do soon, but today was day #84 and whatever wacko chemistry is going on in my head…it seems to just keep on going on.